Playing on the swings on our last day of being less than a year old! Don't know why the day before his birthday feels significant, but it does... Maybe because I still remember being in labor today last year so excited to meet this little guy! Or maybe because it's been a really really long year with lots of unexpected twists and turns, but at the same time, it feels like it's gone by so incredibly fast.
They say kids grow up so fast, and it's become one of those weird phrases that I've become rather sensitive to. Not that people should stop saying it or anything, it just makes me super aware of how different our reality is. Because Cyrus isn't really growing up. He's growing in that he's getting bigger. But developmentally, he hasn't changed. He's in the same place he was in September after the status event. And he's lost some things, so maybe he's even gone backwards a little.
In a strange sense today, is like the Eve of the New Year. Today is day 365 of life! And we get to reflect on and acknowledge the everything that Cyrus has brought to our lives.
I can't say that there hasn't been pain and sadness. There has been. The last four weeks in particular have been difficult as Cyrus has had more break through seizures and has become less and less expressive and responsive. I definitely cry more often than I ever have before.
But he also inspires me to slow down and be present, to notice flowers and birds and sunrises, to sing more often, to just enjoy cuddling on the couch and walks along the trail. Because the truth is, I totally laugh and smile more often too!
Tomorrow is the beginning of a new year! Arriving at this milestone feels incredibly significant. First, it's one that cannot be taken away by a seizure, and second, the nature of Cyrus' disorder is that, like everything else, it is unfortunately not a given. And somehow the victory is far far sweeter when the outcome is in doubt.
Happy Birthday's Eve to the sweetest cuddle bug anyone could have for son!
---
The birthday party is in San Mateo Central Park on Feb 28th. Let me know if you'd like an invite if you'd like to come celebrate with us!
__________________________
No comments:
Post a Comment